How do you deal with a good and close friend who doesn't make an effort in a friendship, but calls you and expects you to be there for her the moment she has a guy problem? I am feeling extremely frustrated by the fact that I happen to have a friend like this and that this particular friend of mine has done it over and over again and I'm allowing it to happen yet again. Why is it so hard for people to understand that their boyfriend is not the only thing that matters in their life. Think of it this way, who are you going to run to when you fight, when he dumps you or when he cheats on you? Who are you going to cry to? Who is going to be there to give you a shoulder to cry on, console and support you?
No doubt I love this particular friend dearly, but not coming out for drinks, not calling to see how you are, not willing to even sacrifice a little of her precious time away from her 'boyfriend' (notice how I place the inverted coma, because they actually broke up but she still spends time with him during the weekends at his place) to catch up is a tad too much for me to forgive her. It makes it even worse when this has happened so many times, with all the different guys in her life *same script, different cast*. And I for a fact knows, that she's taking it for granted because she thinks she can just come back to the group anytime she wants because HER friends are just too forgiving and understanding even though it has happened a zillionth times. Why are human beings becoming so self-centered and selfish?
Everytime there is a new guy, she would go missing. There'll be no phone calls from her, she'll be unwilling to come out, she will say no to all invitations to go out just to be with her man. And yet, she expects everyone to welcome her back just like that after she has gone missing for a few months and when there are no more man in her life. I would think giving an excuse such as tired and busy is really not a good reason because I know for a fact that there are people among our group who gets off work even later than her and yet still make an effort to see their friends at least once a week. I for one, works until at least 10.30 everynight and yet I would make an effort to catch up with friends to see how they are.
I remembered a time when she first broke up with one her 'boyfriends'. The first thing she did was to call us and expects us to comfort her and support her (after she has gone missing for some time again). Coincidently we were busy with our work and before we could even find out what happened we told her to hang on for a bit and we will call her right back once we are through with our work (which was only 30 mins). The moment we hung up we got a very sarcastic sms stating how we are not there for her when she needed us the most.
At the first place has it even crossed her mind how she has treated us? Calling us only when she needed us and not even bothering to check on us when she has her 'boyfriend'?
So last night I decided, after yet another invitation to go up the hill was rejected by her because she was at her boyfriend's place, that I will no longer take this nonsense. I will not allow her to take me or to take us for granted anymore. I will not go running like a loyal friend when she needs me and I will not allow self-centered friends like this to affect me and my life.
6 comments:
*small voice* I agree...
perhaps there's just too many excuses too many times. perhaps history has repeated too often. perhaps i believe one always has a defense mechanism to situations that are not to their benefits. I believe there's always a give and take. I agree to what the lecturer has said to a certain extent. And it depends on the situation as well. Perhaps what she has done is too contradicting to what she has said about other people's similar situation. Perhaps I truly think that if a person is sincere in wanting to do something they will do it irregardless what.
*By the way, I work till late on weekends too*
u agree to what pinkity?
I think I have reached that stage a longer time than you have girl. But that doesn't make me neglect other things. Honestly we do not have the energy after a long day at work but we make an effort. that's the key word, an effort to meet up even if its only for half an hour for a short drink. Do you think we meet up everynight like before? No we don't. Sometimes we don't even see one another for a week but we still know what's going on in one anothers life. Because we take the initiative and effort to care. to want to know. If you think we are out all the weekends you're wrong. We've been staying home during the weekends for a very long time already because we just don't have the energy left after a hectic week at work. but that does not give me an excuse to just shut off everything around me. I try to at least see my friends once a week when I have the time or if I can't see them we still do at least communicate one way or the other. My point is do not then put the blame on others in the future if one day....just one day you happen to need them and they've forgotten about you. Perhaps, if people could just take some time to reflect on themselves on what they have done previously, on how many times these things have happened, on how many appologies but still back to square one, not be so defensive and giving excuses and reasons for their own benefit, things wouldn't be as bad.
I think, I think, I think.... I think this is just totally blown out of propotions.
I am neither agreeing *I take back my previous comment* nor disagreeing because like I've said, I have came to the point where I simply just don't give two fucks.
Sorry... Maybe as a friend I have just given up on caring because at the end of the day, this happens and it repeats... SO just one word...
WHATEVER
Yeah, so I guess even for people who did not go to Australia are not used to the YOU now as well even after countless times of doing this? Anyway it is indeed to our advantage when we potray ourselves as the victim. Because we will not look so bad after all....
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