Thoughts

As I sit in front of my laptop listening to the sirens of the ambulance on the background, I ponder about what lies ahead of me. The anticiaption of waiting for my final results are affecting me so much that I get panic attacks everytime I receive a new email from my Uni. It is unbelievable that my next step lies in the hands of a meagre paper bearing my A, B, Cs or Ds.

Lonliness have never hit so hard as I think about my family, my friends and my dearest lover who are thousands of miles away from me. No doubt I have lovely friends here, and aunties and uncles and cousins, but we've never been close enough as to take the part of being there for you like your own parents and siblings. Coming home to an empty house without a single word of hello from someone to greet you after a long day's work is an obvious enough sign to tell you 'DUH! All you have is yourself!'

Mum disagrees that I move to Hong Kong as she insists that I will hate the lifestyle and the country although I've never been there to experience it. She does not understand that although I may have Soon around but he has his own 'family' with Ross and it is no longer the same as when he is still single. Ross is his top priority as he is his life partner and I may lose the chance of building my own family with the man of my desire if I stay here. I believe sometimes, compromise and sacrifices are essential in making a relationship work. I do not wish to live a life of regrets and 'what ifs'.

As I think further, sometimes I feel like I'm living a life which is being dictated by people around me and not the life that I want to live. Although I am happy to be here, the loneliness I feel is slowly seeping into an emotional trauma.